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Salt (2010)

Year: 2010
Genre: Action, Crime, Mystery
Director: Phillip Noyce
Starring: Angelina Jolie, Liev Schreiber, Chiwetel Ejiofor
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Storyline:
Evelyn Salt is a CIA agent and highly respected by all, including her boss, Ted Winter. Russian spy walks into the offices of the blue I have given information to the parts of life, the Russian president was killed between Rome and New York City recently to attend the funeral of the late president of the United States. The name of the assassin: Evelyn Salt. Worried about the safety of her husband, her career is going, can not you. Winter refuses to accept that she is a mole or a double agent but her actions begin to raise doubts. That one which they think, seeing that there were salt, Brutus?

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In London, a military plane crashes leaving its highly classified contents strewn across the city. Completely unaware that the city is in lockdown, a group of people become trapped inside a storage facility with a highly unwelcome guest.

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Genres: Horror, Sci-Fi
Director: Johannes Roberts

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Truth be told, I don’t mind much the cheesy, sometimes implausible horror/sci-fi flicks if they somehow manage to be amusing despite their flaws.

This one didn’t. Take the escaped ALF (Alien Life Form) from military custody ploy, a la Super 8, toss in a Saw-esque maze of a storage facility, add the usual trapped victims, the hero, the coward, etc., and add a creature that looks like a cross between the xenomorphs from the Alien movies, and the insectoid aliens from District 9, and there you have it. I realize that there isn’t a whole lot of wiggle room left in this genre, as pretty much every scenario that one might come up with has been used a few dozen times over, albeit in different ways, but Storage 24 doesn’t even try to add any new elements or takes on any of those themes or plot devices. The back-stabbing best friend also turns out to be a craven, self-centered coward. Wow, there’s a stretch.

At this point, I do have to pose a query: why do film-makers insist on arming the protagonists in most of these movies with ultra-high tech ballistic weapons, when the greatest monster fighting device of all time seems to be the good ol’ CO2 fire extinguisher. From the original horror classic “The Blob” on, there has to be a gazillion movies where the evil-doing creature is thwarted by a fire extinguisher. All of you gun control advocates take heed; the true danger comes from fire extinguishers, not firearms, apparently.

We are also treated to such delights as seeing the ALF in this movie temporarily taken aback and held at bay by a six-inch high mechanized toy poodle. Mind you, this is the same creature that punches it’s way through metal reinforced, solid wood doors, and tears through ductwork metal like tinfoil. And then we get the classic dead-guy-who-isn’t-quite-dead-yet when the main protagonist of this movie discovers the body of the engineer/tech whom we’re lead to believe dies near the beginning of the movie. When he’s discovered, he’s about two-thirds devoured, but he’s still somehow miraculously clinging to life, at least long enough to give the surviving characters (and supposedly us, the viewers) a start.

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Oh, going back to the mechanical toy poodle ploy… the ALF kills a fully grown German shepherd near the beginning of the movie, but it is subsequently put off by the aforementioned child’s toy representation of a french poodle.

Then there is the completely inane death of David, the curmudgeon who lives upstairs from the storage facility, and hates his ex-wife, Mary. He sacrifices himself so that some of the others might escape. How does he do this? With a fire extinguisher? A crowbar? No. He berates it and tells it how much it reminds him of his ex-wife, and then the ALF stomps his head into goo on the storage facility floor. Way to go, Dave! I recently saw “Bigfoot: The Lost Coast Tapes”, and thought that stunk up the screen. Sadly, I expected more from “Storage 24”. Unfortunately, I didn’t get it.

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